Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
