when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
