Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
