i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
