sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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