The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
