and you said cock pushups were impossible
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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