Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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