New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
