I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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