What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
