dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
