after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize