Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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