She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
