I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I came so hard my ears popped.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
