Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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