She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
