The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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