And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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