Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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