therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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