you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
