Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
