you would pick up someone in the library
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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