i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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