before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
4 words: hood of his car
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
