i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it hurts more in the daytime
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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