You're completely useless in the revolution.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
