I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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