I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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