Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize