Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
