If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
