he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
