I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
