WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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