Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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