College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
