He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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