And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
