Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
