i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
