I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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