Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
