I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
