direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
