I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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