Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
