I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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