One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
