**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
