Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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