I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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