I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
