so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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