Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
