I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize