it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
