Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will be naked everywhere
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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