Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink

(313): View more from Michigan

Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them

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(479): View more from Arkansas

So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.

(307): View more from Wyoming

Haha. Niice.

(479): View more from Arkansas

Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.

(307): View more from Wyoming

both.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

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(614): View more from Ohio

All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing

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(386): View more from Florida

I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her

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(205): View more from Alabama

shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me

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