I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize