party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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