Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
