happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
