i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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