Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
