Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize