I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
