a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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