Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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